I have some fears about this move to Kentucky. Just a few. Pages. LOL They come and go- sometimes I'm full of faith, other moments full of fear. This morning at church, I was deeply challenged & encouraged to replace my fear with faith- once and for all.
Its so simplistic, really- a lot of these 'issues' we face in life, stem from just a few root causes. Dan spoke about them yesterday at the leadership meeting, just yesterday. Fear, Anger, Lust & Pride were the big 4 mentioned, inferring that most issues can find their origin in these root issues. I agree!
So this morning, a woman shared in the worship time the following Scripture (Isaiah 43:1-3)
But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. 2 When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Of course, I was in tears- confident that the simple word was meant for me. ;-) Many times the fear of something is actually worse than the something. Dan cited his battle with cancer as a prime example, yet also said how that he was conflicted- he trusted, yet he feared (my paraphrase). But fear is this intangible, horrible, paralyzing thing. It keeps us from really living, so many times.
There was a sweet spirit in the place. I was so aware of the prescence of God- so available, so ready to rush in to my heart and those places of fear that I was clinging to, yet I just could not lay it down without REALLY laying it down. Do you know what I mean? I'm not one to tape a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches, simply to say it was 'dealt with'. I don't like emotional experiences unless they mean something. I didn't want to leave that place w/ a temporary fix, rather I wanted it to be 'the day' that I decided to no longer be afraid- come what may.
After all, "how deep, how wide- how incredibly great, is His love for me"? Neither height, nor depth, nor principality, nor power, nor angels, nor demons- NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. Not even loneliness, homesickness, newness, doubt (did we do the right thing), the realities of a new place, full time with the family business and ALL that it entails (which is my primary set of fear)..... No matter how 'bad' it may get in our new land of KY, God will be there- right there, every instant, every moment, every morning.
After all, He's here
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
And the blog goes on
I didn't realize until tonight that I had a bunch of entries saved as drafts, than I never finished or posted- so I have published them all, and VIOLA!!! My blog has doubled in size! (giggle)
75 Questions
75 Questions to ask yourself, so I'm going to take them one at a time. http://www.lyved.com/life/75-questions-to-ask-yourself/
1. Why not me?
Hmmm. Too many times, I've asked myself 'why me'? Not just bad things, mind you, but good things. So ok- back to the question. Why not me? Well, it brings many things to mind- selfishness, empowerment, concern over being self-centered instead of Christ centered, loneliness, false martyrdome.....
Mostly, it makes me think that all of the promises of God are available to me. They really are...its all available and I too easily & readily apply it to everyone else, but kind of skip myself. Why not me?
2. Am I nice?
Well to most people yes, very. To my kids? Oh my. I don't think so. I feel like I am too harsh, too yelling, too terse, rude, blunt and frustrated WAY too often to be considered nice. What is it about kids that really reduces even the most composed individual, to simplistic rubble when seen through the eyes of a child.
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
At core, that is not a fair question if viewed in a one-dimensional sense. Do I like being a SAHM? No. But, life is about seasons (boy, am I learning that....) and its not all what you wished for. Do I want to re-clean my kitchen 3x a day, 7 days a week? NO!!!! I would happily abdicate that responsibility to someone else. But rephrase the question...."Am I where I want to be?" Absolutely- I am my children's mother- always and forever. I will not give this job to anyone else, even if it's not what I've always wanted to do in a broad 'calling/passion/dream' sense. There is time enough for all of it, right?
Thats enough for tonight :-)
1. Why not me?
Hmmm. Too many times, I've asked myself 'why me'? Not just bad things, mind you, but good things. So ok- back to the question. Why not me? Well, it brings many things to mind- selfishness, empowerment, concern over being self-centered instead of Christ centered, loneliness, false martyrdome.....
Mostly, it makes me think that all of the promises of God are available to me. They really are...its all available and I too easily & readily apply it to everyone else, but kind of skip myself. Why not me?
2. Am I nice?
Well to most people yes, very. To my kids? Oh my. I don't think so. I feel like I am too harsh, too yelling, too terse, rude, blunt and frustrated WAY too often to be considered nice. What is it about kids that really reduces even the most composed individual, to simplistic rubble when seen through the eyes of a child.
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
At core, that is not a fair question if viewed in a one-dimensional sense. Do I like being a SAHM? No. But, life is about seasons (boy, am I learning that....) and its not all what you wished for. Do I want to re-clean my kitchen 3x a day, 7 days a week? NO!!!! I would happily abdicate that responsibility to someone else. But rephrase the question...."Am I where I want to be?" Absolutely- I am my children's mother- always and forever. I will not give this job to anyone else, even if it's not what I've always wanted to do in a broad 'calling/passion/dream' sense. There is time enough for all of it, right?
Thats enough for tonight :-)
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Breaking the News
Bad news, shocking news & random news is hard to share. Of course, its usually more difficult to hear because it assaults the hearer- virtually unprepared-and all of a sudden your reality has been changed.
A few weeks ago, God broke some 'news' to me. Well, it was more like He revealed what was already there- and it was a shock- A SHOCK!!!!-to me. I wrestled, argued, denied, was angry and have slowly accepted. Yet I've struggled to put it into words here in my blog. Its written on my heart with the permanant ink that Gods voice creates, but somehow putting it here makes it irreversible- makes it REALLY real.
So yeah. Nathan has resigned from church and we are moving to Kentucky. Its slowly becoming public, and that is hard. There are about 101 million things I could say- and have said- but today, I'm simply so thankful for the grace of God. This is a GOOD THING for our family- that has been declared & affirmed from so many dear ones in our lives. We're so thankful for this road we've travelled and have no regrets.
A few weeks ago, God broke some 'news' to me. Well, it was more like He revealed what was already there- and it was a shock- A SHOCK!!!!-to me. I wrestled, argued, denied, was angry and have slowly accepted. Yet I've struggled to put it into words here in my blog. Its written on my heart with the permanant ink that Gods voice creates, but somehow putting it here makes it irreversible- makes it REALLY real.
So yeah. Nathan has resigned from church and we are moving to Kentucky. Its slowly becoming public, and that is hard. There are about 101 million things I could say- and have said- but today, I'm simply so thankful for the grace of God. This is a GOOD THING for our family- that has been declared & affirmed from so many dear ones in our lives. We're so thankful for this road we've travelled and have no regrets.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sudden Stirring
I love my friend Megan. She doesn't read blogs and is barely online- that is her flaw. But she does love a good Coach handbag and that is her redemption.
We went out for coffee last night and talked until they kicked us out. Then we sat in her car and talked for 2 more hours until we both began to yawn. It was an appointed time. We shared, prayed & it was significant.
I told her some of the things that have been stirring in my heart and she listened. Then she shared the similar stirrings in her heart, and I listened. There were suprising similarities.
Suddenly, what was not seen one day, is revealed the next and cannot be ignored. What was perfectly fine yesterday, is now uncomfortably not ok anymore. There is change coming- a transition is in progress.
Lord- clearly, You are moving, stirring & shaking us. What was doubt has been replaced with acceptance of Your hand. I'm not clear on exactly what You're doing, but even though its hard & unexpected, my Jesus, its welcome.
We went out for coffee last night and talked until they kicked us out. Then we sat in her car and talked for 2 more hours until we both began to yawn. It was an appointed time. We shared, prayed & it was significant.
I told her some of the things that have been stirring in my heart and she listened. Then she shared the similar stirrings in her heart, and I listened. There were suprising similarities.
Suddenly, what was not seen one day, is revealed the next and cannot be ignored. What was perfectly fine yesterday, is now uncomfortably not ok anymore. There is change coming- a transition is in progress.
Lord- clearly, You are moving, stirring & shaking us. What was doubt has been replaced with acceptance of Your hand. I'm not clear on exactly what You're doing, but even though its hard & unexpected, my Jesus, its welcome.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Jeremiah: He Who Wept
I just finished reading a book by this name- it was amazing. It examined and mused over the life Jeremiah- historically accurate w/ a fictional story woven around the timeline of his life & events in Isreal.
I was profoundly impacted by the realization anew of Jeremiahs life being a voice-this perpetual warning/voice to a stubborn, unhearing people. God's words of warning burned within him- it was relentless, though he begged for relief. This was his lot, his calling, his worship to God. To preach to people who would not listen. It might sound romantic or magical, for a moment.
By modern measurements of success in the ministry Jeremiah was a miserable failure. He was out of step with most of his contemporaries. When grief overwhelmed him and he would have escaped to the quietness of the countryside, the Lord commanded him to keep preaching in the city. He experienced deep, dark depression, wishing he had never been born and lived with unanswered prayers and unfulfilled desires and even accused God of deceiving him.
And yet he kept on and was faithful to the Lord and demonstrated the clearest message of redemption & the new covenant etc.
Amazing.
I was profoundly impacted by the realization anew of Jeremiahs life being a voice-this perpetual warning/voice to a stubborn, unhearing people. God's words of warning burned within him- it was relentless, though he begged for relief. This was his lot, his calling, his worship to God. To preach to people who would not listen. It might sound romantic or magical, for a moment.
By modern measurements of success in the ministry Jeremiah was a miserable failure. He was out of step with most of his contemporaries. When grief overwhelmed him and he would have escaped to the quietness of the countryside, the Lord commanded him to keep preaching in the city. He experienced deep, dark depression, wishing he had never been born and lived with unanswered prayers and unfulfilled desires and even accused God of deceiving him.
And yet he kept on and was faithful to the Lord and demonstrated the clearest message of redemption & the new covenant etc.
Amazing.
Decisions & Voices
Life is full of them. Some decisions are big, some are small. Some come easily, some are wrestled for at length and at great cost. Some change lives in a split second, some don't have much impact at all. But really, I think its hard to know the difference, in the moment.
Something that seems insignficant might really change a life- something that is long in coming, might not be nearly as important in hindsight.
We are faced with a decision this week. Its hard to know how important it really is- it came out of nowhere, and suddenly has overtaken our thoughts, prayers & energies. Some moments it seems H-U-G-E, other moments we giggle at ourselves for taking life so seriously.
God sometimes speaks in a loud, mesmerizing voice that is impossible to miss or ignore. Other times, I think He places the faintest echo of a whisper in our hearts that almost seems delicate & fragile.
Its a challenge to make what feels like a big decision based on a whisper of a voice. But nonetheless, "His sheep know His voice" and for me, that is enough.
Something that seems insignficant might really change a life- something that is long in coming, might not be nearly as important in hindsight.
We are faced with a decision this week. Its hard to know how important it really is- it came out of nowhere, and suddenly has overtaken our thoughts, prayers & energies. Some moments it seems H-U-G-E, other moments we giggle at ourselves for taking life so seriously.
God sometimes speaks in a loud, mesmerizing voice that is impossible to miss or ignore. Other times, I think He places the faintest echo of a whisper in our hearts that almost seems delicate & fragile.
Its a challenge to make what feels like a big decision based on a whisper of a voice. But nonetheless, "His sheep know His voice" and for me, that is enough.
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